{"id":207,"date":"2005-10-29T09:04:53","date_gmt":"2005-10-29T16:04:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/archives\/2005\/10\/29\/car-on-a-hill\/"},"modified":"2005-10-29T09:19:03","modified_gmt":"2005-10-29T16:19:03","slug":"car-on-a-hill","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lefsetz.com\/wordpress\/2005\/10\/29\/car-on-a-hill\/","title":{"rendered":"Car On A Hill"},"content":{"rendered":"

I do my best
And I do good business
There’s a lot of people asking for my time
They’re trying to get ahead
They’re trying to be a good friend of mine<\/em><\/p>\n

I had a guy get pissed at me today because I wouldn’t let him send me his CD.
He railed that I was a victim of what I complained about.\u00c2\u00a0 He’d made a
complete album and I wouldn’t listen to it.<\/p>\n

Have enough psychotherapy and you learn how to blast an asshole like this.\u00c2\u00a0 I
took time out of my day to listen to his fucking not much better than average
music on his website and respond to him, and for this I get SHIT?\u00c2\u00a0 If he was
such a big fan, wouldn’t he know I only listen to files? His response?\u00c2\u00a0 He
didn’t have all the songs streaming on his site, so he HAD to send me his album.<\/p>\n

Where the FUCK do these people get off?\u00c2\u00a0 Do they really think it’s my job to
be a railroad train?\u00c2\u00a0 To pick them up in the middle of nowhere and drop them
off at the fame and fortune station?\u00c2\u00a0 Like my time is worth nothing and I must
dedicate it all to them, whom I don’t even KNOW?<\/p>\n

‘The way I see it,’ he said
‘You just can’t win it…
Everybody’s in it for their own gain
You can’t please ’em all
There’s always somebody calling you down<\/em><\/p>\n

I guess it takes a guy who specializes in playing by his own rules and
winning for himself to delineate the truth.\u00c2\u00a0 In case you don’t know, those are the
words of David Geffen.\u00c2\u00a0 And, this brilliant man got it right.\u00c2\u00a0 The only way you
can escape is to not play at all.\u00c2\u00a0 And the more success you have, the more
people are gunning for you, the more they want from you.<\/p>\n

When I heard "Free Man In Paris" in my dorm room in Middlebury, Vermont in
the winter of ’74, these lines resonated not a whit.\u00c2\u00a0 I didn’t have enough LIFE
EXPERIENCE!\u00c2\u00a0 But I knew them, I sang them along with the record.\u00c2\u00a0 So much that
they were indelibly burned into my brain.\u00c2\u00a0 To the point where when I gained
enough life experience they were there to EDIFY ME!\u00c2\u00a0 To comfort me.\u00c2\u00a0 To play
alongside me as I walked through this bizarre life.<\/p>\n

The great records pay continuing dividends.\u00c2\u00a0 Like Shakespeare, they contain
wisdom that unfolds over time.<\/p>\n

Not that "Court and Spark" was the first time Joni Mitchell imparted wisdom.\u00c2\u00a0
It’s just that it was the first time anybody but hard core fans was
listening.\u00c2\u00a0 Oh, she garnered a few more listeners the year before
with "You Turn Me On, I’m A Radio", but the problem with that track was it was a little too CLOSE to what else was on the radio.\u00c2\u00a0 Rumor has it that Geffen told her to record it.\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0It doesn’t contain her essence.\u00c2\u00a0 But I used to quote one of its lines all
the time.\u00c2\u00a0 Until about a year ago when I realized it was the kiss of death.\u00c2\u00a0 I
used to tell all the girls at the end of my e-mails "the lines are open".\u00c2\u00a0
Which is how "You Turn Me On, I’m A Radio" ends.\u00c2\u00a0 And so did my
connections\/relationships.\u00c2\u00a0 Unless it’s the absolute right person,
making yourself available makes you undesirable.<\/p>\n

"Court and Spark" had a completely different sound from what came before.\u00c2\u00a0 It
was slick.\u00c2\u00a0 Polished.\u00c2\u00a0 Not as intimate as what preceded it.\u00c2\u00a0 It was a bit of
a shock.\u00c2\u00a0 But the songwriting was so good.<\/p>\n

But, unfortunately, every teenage girl glommed onto Joni as the answer to her
questions and AM radio banged her constantly and it was disillusioning.\u00c2\u00a0 She
went from being OURS to THEIRS!\u00c2\u00a0 She didn’t exactly sell out, but one couldn’t
quite feel the same way about her anymore.\u00c2\u00a0 At least until 1976’s "Hejira".\u00c2\u00a0
A masterpiece that the casual fan couldn’t understand.<\/p>\n

But all these years later, it’s not only "Free Man In Paris" that resonates.\u00c2\u00a0
There’s the duo of "People’s Parties" and "Same Situation".<\/p>\n

All the people at this party
They’ve got a lot of style
They’ve got stamps of many countries
They’ve got passport smiles
Some are friendly
Some are cutting
Some are watching it from the wings
Some are standing in the center
Giving to get something<\/em><\/p>\n

I don’t know if parties are only like this in Hollywood.\u00c2\u00a0 Where affairs
aren’t for fun but to get ahead.\u00c2\u00a0 What you do is more important than who you are.\u00c2\u00a0
And unless you’re somebody, you feel out of place.<\/p>\n

Still, it’s the second verse that contains the most resonant lines…\u00c2\u00a0 I’ll
set it up.\u00c2\u00a0 I’ll quote the verse in its entirety.<\/p>\n

Photo Beauty gets attention
Then her eye paint’s running down
She’s got a rose in her teeth
And a lampshade crown
One minute she’s so happy
Then she’s crying on someone’s knee
Saying laughing and crying
You know it’s the same release<\/em><\/p>\n

Now that’s something I think is particular to L.A.\u00c2\u00a0 The woman who makes it
solely on her looks.\u00c2\u00a0 Putting up the image of being together yet feeling
unworthy inside.\u00c2\u00a0 Still, it’s the last two lines that I quote on a regular basis.\u00c2\u00a0
There really doesn’t seem to be that much of a difference between laughing and
crying.\u00c2\u00a0 I didn’t realize it until I listened to this song.<\/p>\n

Then the choir cuts off and the piano starts to play and we’re in "The Same
Situation".<\/p>\n

God, every line of this song counts.\u00c2\u00a0 But it’s the end that is representative
of every sensitive soul conflicted with what’s inside and who their parents
told them to be.<\/p>\n

Still I sent up my prayer
Wondering who was there to hear
I said ‘Send me somebody
Who’s strong, and somewhat sincere’
With the millions of the lost and lonely ones
I called out to be released
Caught in my struggle for higher achievements
And my search for love
That don’t seem to cease<\/em><\/p>\n

Can they coexist?\u00c2\u00a0 Careers and love?\u00c2\u00a0 I’m not sure they can.<\/p>\n

And I always thought "Down To You" was my favorite song on the less
fulfilling second side.\u00c2\u00a0 This is closer to classic Joni.\u00c2\u00a0 Just her and her piano.\u00c2\u00a0
Disillusionment and disappointment.\u00c2\u00a0 The elation of "Free Man In Paris" was
disconcerting.\u00c2\u00a0 Sure, the lyrics were not optimistic, but the sound…<\/p>\n

But last night I heard "Car On A Hill" on XM.\u00c2\u00a0 And its truth resonated.<\/p>\n

Some people are the life of the party.\u00c2\u00a0 Everybody seems to love them.\u00c2\u00a0
They’re truly the people who get the party started.<\/p>\n

I’ve occasionally been one of those people.\u00c2\u00a0 For brief moments in situations
outside my regular life.\u00c2\u00a0 Months at summer camp.\u00c2\u00a0 That month at Mammoth.\u00c2\u00a0 But
really, I’m an outsider.<\/p>\n

I used to just let my personality out.<\/p>\n

But people were not prepared for it.\u00c2\u00a0 They believe in tact, in games.\u00c2\u00a0 While
with me what you see is what you get.\u00c2\u00a0 So I became inhibited.\u00c2\u00a0 But sometimes,
when I thought nobody was watching, when I believed they weren’t paying
attention, I let my real self out and it resonated.<\/p>\n

It’s scary to be accepted for yourself.\u00c2\u00a0 You don’t feel you deserve it.\u00c2\u00a0
Suddenly, all your jokes are funny.\u00c2\u00a0 All your stories have everybody on the edge
of his seat.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s like catching an endless wave.\u00c2\u00a0 Well, not endless.\u00c2\u00a0
Eventually the evening ends.\u00c2\u00a0 And then what?<\/p>\n

Maybe you’re one of those girls I had a great conversation with…who
suddenly never seemed to run into me again.\u00c2\u00a0 Or, when you did, I was tongue-tied.\u00c2\u00a0 If I have a real good time with you, I’m gonna avoid you.\u00c2\u00a0 I’m afraid of living
up to my rep, I’m fearful I’m gonna disappoint you.\u00c2\u00a0 But it gets worse.\u00c2\u00a0 When
we do bump into each other my mind is going to be racing.\u00c2\u00a0 In between the
silences I’m going to say something stupid.\u00c2\u00a0 I’m going to die inside.<\/p>\n

So, it’s not that easy to make friends.\u00c2\u00a0 You’ve got to reach into me.\u00c2\u00a0 You’ve
got to gain my trust.\u00c2\u00a0 You’ve got to let me know you’re not in it for what I
can do for you, but that you truly appreciate the real me.\u00c2\u00a0 The crazy me.\u00c2\u00a0 The
one who CAN be the life of the party but can bristle and be obstinate at
others.\u00c2\u00a0 Not able to calm down inside enough to integrate.<\/p>\n

Oh, I got too isolated.\u00c2\u00a0 My ex-wife moved out, I ran out of money, I became
disconnected.\u00c2\u00a0 And it’s been a long road back.\u00c2\u00a0 I dialed my personality down
completely to fit in.\u00c2\u00a0 I’m trying to amp it back up.\u00c2\u00a0 Still, it’s difficult to
tell my own story in a phone conversation, and hard to hang up first.\u00c2\u00a0 You see
I don’t want anything to fuck up the connection.<\/p>\n

In "Car On A Hill" Joni is waiting for her "sugar to show".\u00c2\u00a0 Waiting to hear
his tires squealing on the road outside her house.\u00c2\u00a0 She’s ruminating on the
connection.\u00c2\u00a0 And she sings:<\/p>\n

He makes friends easy
He’s not like me
I watch for judgment anxiously
Now where in the city can that boy be<\/em><\/p>\n

I hear these lines and I identify.\u00c2\u00a0 You’re giving your heart and soul.\u00c2\u00a0 It
was so hard to get this far.\u00c2\u00a0 To get the fire started.\u00c2\u00a0 Do they need you as
much, or the way they toss their hair, the way they chat up the opposite sex…
are you dispensable?<\/p>\n

<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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