I don’t expect it to be good.<\/p>\n
You can lament the absence of Slash and Duff, but the real key was Izzy…\u00c2\u00a0 Izzy added the grit, the dirt, the rock and roll, once he left Guns N’ Roses, the band was like Wings.\u00c2\u00a0 Good, but no Beatles.<\/p>\n
Actually, not that good.<\/p>\n
Guns N’ Roses’ debut is a hard rock classic second only to "Back In Black" in the canon.\u00c2\u00a0 "Appetite For Destruction" was recorded by a band that just didn’t give a fuck.\u00c2\u00a0 About you, the industry, just about anything but their next fix.\u00c2\u00a0 These were true rock and rollers.\u00c2\u00a0 And when both the little girls and their mothers got a taste of "Sweet Child O’ Mine" and its shimmying singer, they wanted in.\u00c2\u00a0 That’s how America likes its boys, bad.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s why nerds make money, but homeless dudes have almost as good a chance of getting laid.<\/p>\n
"Appetite For Destruction" didn’t hit immediately.\u00c2\u00a0 The sound was too raw for AOR.\u00c2\u00a0 But sales built and MTV went on "Sweet Child O’ Mine" and it was an endless victory lap, until the band splintered apart.<\/p>\n
As for those other records?<\/p>\n
The less said about the "Spaghetti Incident", the better.<\/p>\n
The two "Illusion"s sold well upon release, but does anybody spin them today?\u00c2\u00a0 They’re laden with rock excess, which was drilled into our brains via endless MTV videos, but the underlying music just wasn’t as vivid and primal as the songs on the debut.\u00c2\u00a0 On the debut, they needed it, they were proving themselves.\u00c2\u00a0 On the "Illusion"s, they were trying to act bad when they were already rich.\u00c2\u00a0 They were no longer all living in one room, but they wanted us to believe that they were.\u00c2\u00a0 Or, in the alternative, that the average person should be interested in the viewpoint from the top, which he is not, the average person wants to hear from the bottom.<\/p>\n
So now, umpteen years on, there’s going to be a new album.<\/p>\n
And we can debate all day long how good it will be.\u00c2\u00a0 And it can even be good, but will it SELL?<\/p>\n
Doubtful.<\/p>\n
What do we budget?\u00c2\u00a0 Two million copies?<\/p>\n
Even the Jonas Brothers debuted to less than a million.\u00c2\u00a0 And in their third week out, they did a paltry 146,659\u00c2\u00a0 And even though young ‘uns like G N’ R, they’re not Zeppelin, Floyd or AC\/DC.\u00c2\u00a0 The number one customer for the band is the oldster, who now worries about his kids’ soccer games and paying the bills.\u00c2\u00a0 Rushing out to the nonexistent indie store upon the day of release to fire up a bong and spend all night listening to the new opus over and over again?\u00c2\u00a0 Keep dreaming.<\/p>\n
So, how should Axl and whatever boys he’s got next to him move forward?<\/p>\n
With innovative marketing.<\/p>\n
1. Name your own price<\/span><\/p>\n Dumb.\u00c2\u00a0 Already done by Radiohead.\u00c2\u00a0 Unsuccessful with Saul Williams.\u00c2\u00a0 If you’re going to stunt, you’ve got to do something original, you’ve got to do it FIRST!<\/p>\n 2. Newspaper cover mount<\/span><\/p>\n This is a good idea.\u00c2\u00a0 De rigueur in the U.K., it hasn’t been tried in the U.S.\u00c2\u00a0 I’d say this is a natural for Tribune.\u00c2\u00a0 For the Sunday edition in all of their papers.\u00c2\u00a0 Got to be ten to twenty million in it for the band.<\/p>\n 3. Wal-Mart<\/span><\/p>\n What are the odds of "Chinese Democracy" passing the Bentonville censors?\u00c2\u00a0 This is a natural fit.\u00c2\u00a0 Blue collar denizens, those who shop at Wal-Mart, are hard rock’s core.\u00c2\u00a0 But we live in a society where children must be protected and the truth must not be uttered.\u00c2\u00a0 So, "Chinese Democracy" would end up a ten minute EP.\u00c2\u00a0 Then again, would that be as laughable as Axl Rose’s appearance on the VMAs?<\/p>\n Wal-Mart will guarantee product one way.\u00c2\u00a0 Significant tonnage.\u00c2\u00a0 Because it gets people in the store where they buy other things.<\/p>\n As for screwing indie stores…\u00c2\u00a0 If indie stores want to cobble together a twenty five million guaranteed offer, I say they should get an exclusive on "Chinese Democracy".\u00c2\u00a0 But this is not a building band, it’s amazing this record is even coming out.\u00c2\u00a0 The indie stores won’t cough up the dough and their whining can be ignored.\u00c2\u00a0 This is business.\u00c2\u00a0 One time event business.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s not about keeping retailers happy, but making a ton of money for Axl Rose.<\/p>\n 4. Other physical retailer<\/span><\/p>\n This is a good idea.\u00c2\u00a0 The only question is whether they can pony up enough bucks.\u00c2\u00a0 Target?\u00c2\u00a0 The promotional value is astounding.\u00c2\u00a0 The media will cover this like the second coming.\u00c2\u00a0 For a week anyway.\u00c2\u00a0 Before reporters move on to something new.\u00c2\u00a0 So, to get all that name recognition and then the additional revenue from people buying other product in your store is worth it.\u00c2\u00a0 At a price.\u00c2\u00a0 Twenty five million dollars?\u00c2\u00a0 That’s what it’s going to take.\u00c2\u00a0 Axl’s got to get his bread back, this product needs to be shipped one way.<\/p>\n As for Best Buy…\u00c2\u00a0 They’re never going to pony up.\u00c2\u00a0 They expect exclusives for BUPKES, if anything at all!<\/p>\n 5. Online retailer<\/span><\/p>\n Steve Jobs will never pay.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s against his equitable\/level playing field philosophy.\u00c2\u00a0 But how about Amazon?<\/p>\n Amazon is the number one online retailer.\u00c2\u00a0 If it finally wants to boost its music store, this is the opportunity.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s kind of a Michael Cohl deal…\u00c2\u00a0 How many copies does Amazon expect to sell, if it has a monopoly?\u00c2\u00a0 Two and a half million?\u00c2\u00a0 Then it’s worth twenty five million dollars.\u00c2\u00a0 Even if all the albums are not sold.\u00c2\u00a0 Because people will come to amazon.com, interact with the site, and buy other stuff.\u00c2\u00a0 Furthermore, Amazon can sell both physical and digital product.\u00c2\u00a0 The company is a natural.<\/p>\n This is what G N’ R should do.<\/p>\n The biggest problem G N’ R has is releasing "Chinese Democracy" and finding out nobody cares.\u00c2\u00a0 And believe me, very few do.\u00c2\u00a0 Because years have passed and nobody gets that much attention today.\u00c2\u00a0 Mariah Carey is plastered all over the media and can’t even go double platinum.\u00c2\u00a0 Almost no one can.\u00c2\u00a0 So how do you deliver this album so IT SEEMS like the second coming and the public buys it?<\/p>\n By giving it away.<\/p>\n Yup, one single advertiser.\u00c2\u00a0 Either super-rich, like Coke, or looking to make its name, like Napster was when it bought those Super Bowl ads.\u00c2\u00a0 They pay their twenty five million AND THEY GIVE "CHINESE DEMOCRACY" AWAY ON THEIR WEBSITE!<\/p>\n The publicity will be amazing.\u00c2\u00a0 First, when the deal is announced.\u00c2\u00a0 Then, when it happens.\u00c2\u00a0 The return on investment will be better than any TV advertising.\u00c2\u00a0 Assuming the corporation can pay the freight.<\/p>\n But that’s what G N’ R’s handlers should be looking for, someone who can pay the freight.<\/p>\n Radiohead is a cult act.\u00c2\u00a0 Which had the biggest story in the music business last year.\u00c2\u00a0 Whatever they made by giving away "In Rainbows", they earned back in cred, in the burnishing of their image.\u00c2\u00a0 Before, only the band’s fans said Radiohead deserved respect, that they were at the pinnacle of the pyramid, on top of the heap.\u00c2\u00a0 Now EVERYBODY respects Radiohead, they’re seen as being above essentially every other act.\u00c2\u00a0 G N’ R was there, but now its future is in jeopardy.<\/p>\n G N’ R needs a stunt.\u00c2\u00a0 That generates incredible publicity, that puts its music in the hands of the most people, so the act’s image can be burnished and beaucoup bucks can be made on the road.<\/p>\n The silver lining is G N’ R CAN STILL sell CDs, can even sell on iTunes, if they give the album away.\u00c2\u00a0 Look at Radiohead.\u00c2\u00a0 Look at P2P.\u00c2\u00a0 Everything’s free, yet people still buy.\u00c2\u00a0 Free for a month only.\u00c2\u00a0 Maybe just a week.\u00c2\u00a0 With a live album of greatest hits thrown in two weeks later if you donate your e-mail address.<\/p>\n Universal just can’t deliver "Chinese Democracy" to the usual suspects and expect it to sell, not in any prodigious amount.\u00c2\u00a0 Don’t worry about the indie retailers, don’t worry about Best Buy, don’t worry about iTunes.\u00c2\u00a0 Go to the big kahunas, the ones who truly have the money\/advertising budgets. They won’t bitch, they won’t say they’re cash poor, they’ve just got to decide whether to buy in.\u00c2\u00a0 Or not.\u00c2\u00a0 Look, Dr. Pepper is riding the "Chinese Democracy" bandwagon FOR FREE!\u00c2\u00a0 You’ve got to charge for this privilege.<\/p>\n And don’t tell me about cred.\u00c2\u00a0 Axl lost it years ago.<\/p>\n If you want to reunite the old band with Mike Clink and make real music, I’m interested.\u00c2\u00a0 But to give away this turkey for a fortune, it’s not going to hurt whoever’s in the band right now, and Axl has hurt himself worse already.<\/p>\n The Jonas Brothers’ new album has sold a grand total of 671,887.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s going to be a long way to two million.<\/p>\n Kid Rock has the song of the summer, "Rock N Roll Jesus" has been out for 46 weeks, and it’s STILL not double platinum, it’s sold 1,718,507.<\/p>\n Lil Wayne has sold 2,261,580, but Axl hasn’t been posting G N’ R remixes for years, and he’s not going to get significant airplay on Top Forty, never mind Urban stations.<\/p>\n "Camp Rock" hasn’t gone platinum.<\/p>\n And neither has Sugarland’s new album (699,587).<\/p>\n Taylor Swift is an anomaly, she’s sold 3,343,703 albums.\u00c2\u00a0 But in 96 WEEKS!\u00c2\u00a0 Sustained by radio airplay.\u00c2\u00a0 Much of that on Country, before Country CD sales tanked.\u00c2\u00a0 She’s been exposed on two radio formats that sell music, the aforementioned Country and Top Forty.\u00c2\u00a0 G N’ R is NEVER going to get this ubiquitous airplay.<\/p>\n Leona Lewis?\u00c2\u00a0 Who even played the Olympics?\u00c2\u00a0 1,018,668.<\/p>\n Duffy, the new hype\/star?\u00c2\u00a0 431,464<\/p>\n Nas, the conquering rap hero?\u00c2\u00a0 350,251<\/p>\n Neil Diamond, in the midst of a comeback, with the first number one of his career?\u00c2\u00a0 A grand total of 362,870.<\/p>\n Mariah Carey? 1,151,313.\u00c2\u00a0 And she debuted with a gargantuan figure.\u00c2\u00a0 463,000 were sold IN THE FIRST WEEK!\u00c2\u00a0 After "Chinese Democracy"’s debut, then what?\u00c2\u00a0 Even the Jonas Brothers couldn’t break platinum their first week out.<\/p>\n No one can sell 5 million, never mind diamond.<\/p>\n Only six acts on the chart have broken three…\u00c2\u00a0 Taylor Swift, Alicia Keys (3,579,983), Daughtry (4,193,092 in 92 weeks), Nickelback (6,884,767 in 151 weeks), Hannah Montana\/Miley Cyrus (3,134,776), "High School Musical 2" (3,256,181) and the Eagles, who’ve moved 3,069,632 copies of "Long Road Out Of Eden".<\/p>\n Now maybe if Axl gets his own Disney television show, he can sell some product.\u00c2\u00a0 But since that’s unlikely, he’s got to look at the game plan of his management stablemate, the Eagles, very closely.\u00c2\u00a0 He needs to move a lot of product, where there’s a ton of traffic, very quickly.<\/p>\n What do you think he should do?<\/p>\n <\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I don’t expect it to be good. You can lament the absence of Slash and Duff, but the real key was Izzy…\u00c2\u00a0 Izzy added the grit, the dirt, the rock and roll, once he left Guns N’ Roses, the band was like Wings.\u00c2\u00a0 Good, but no Beatles. Actually, not that good. 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6. Advertiser giveaway<\/span><\/p>\n