Alan Hamel-This Week’s Podcast

Canadian late night TV host, producer, husband of Suzanne Somers and her career guru, Hamel has been there and done that and has great stories, he holds back nothing!

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Sharon Osbourne

Sharon, you self-hating meeskite. No good deed goes unpunished. My policy is not to respond to wankers, but I know if I don’t print your e-mail you’ll post it elsewhere to rile me up, to get publicity. Furthermore, I usually let people have their say, but not you, I won’t be bullied by you like MTV and everybody else who’s ever been involved with you.

Kudos for not only making Ozzy a solo star, but yourself in the process, reaping rewards for you and your family, especially financially, after intentionally failing to sign the MTV contract so when the show was a hit, you could hold up the network for beaucoup bucks.

Your screed below is just a ploy for publicity. Ozzy puts out a new track and there are crickets, people don’t even know he’s on the Post Malone album, so you want to get in a war with me to make it a big story, maybe even appear on those execrable daily talk shows you go on that feature words but little meaning, never mind influence.

Then again, your antics don’t fall far from the tree of your father, yes, Donn Arden has a phenomenal reputation in the music business, as the most honest, trustworthy person ever…JUST LIKE YOU!

So if you actually read my newsletter, you’d know that I’ve praised Ozzy multiple times.

Just for example:

“No More Tears”

“Flying High Again”

But, as they say, don’t let the truth get in the way of a good story.

As for Zakk Wylde, true, I played fast and loose with the facts. Zakk did take his hiatus with his solo work, yes, but he did play on the follow-up to “No More Tears,” the disappointing “Ozzmosis.” Then again, Zakk only co-wrote two songs on “Ozzmosis,” as opposed to the six on “No More Tears.”

As for the follow-up, 2001’s “Down To Earth”…Zakk may have played, but he wasn’t involved in the writing of a single song.

As for “Under Cover,” the last gasp of a lost recording artist, singing others’ famous songs in search of a hit, at least Ozzy didn’t eviscerate his credibility by covering the Great American Songbook like Rod Stewart. Furthermore, Zakk does not appear on “Under Cover,” unless you know something I don’t, I’ll admit, credits can be misleading.

As for 2007’s “Black Rain,” you got me. Zakk did play, and did cowrite tracks, but at this point I’d given up on Ozzy’s solo career, nothing after “No More Tears” having resonated with me. Maybe that’s why you kept on bringing Black Sabbath back on Ozzfest, otherwise you’d have had trouble selling tickets. Oops, that’s right, you did have trouble selling tickets! Then again, so many shows billed as sold out are not. Ozzy was running on fumes.

And 2010’s “Scream”? Zakk Wylde is nowhere to be found. Either in the song credits or playing credits.

Then again, maybe the problem with the post “No More Tears” work is you never used Duane Baron and John Purdell as producers again, even though Michael Wagener mixed. Duane Baron might be forgotten, then again, he was the man behind the board on Quiet Riot’s “Metal Health”…maybe you should cum on and feel the noize again Sharon. Then again, you’ve probably scared Noddy Holder into submission, everybody’s afraid of you, because of your scorched earth tactics.

Then again, you’ve never employed Michael Wagener to mix again. You probably got into a fight with him, just like you did with Bob Daisley. I’m surprised you haven’t gotten Jack to remix “No More Tears” so you can stiff Wagener and keep the profits in-house. But who knows, maybe you stiffed Wagener anyway, maybe you didn’t even bother to give him any points.

As for the Idle Race… I dare you to find anything I’ve written about them, because I haven’t!

As fort Wizzard, I have occasionally written about Roy Wood, but mostly his genius in the Move and his initial solo album. And that’s right you spell Wizzard with two z’s, which was what I was gonna do before I got your late night e-mail, catch some z’s, as in sleep.

As for ELO… Guess you haven’t caught me testifying about “Eldorado.”

As for the Move… Uh, I never did get to see them, because they kept on canceling their U.S. dates, but if you call my praise for “Message From The Country” and “California Man” and “Do Ya” denigration, you’ve got trouble reading:

“Rhinofy: The Move”

Then again, these were your father’s acts, are you collecting royalties for Cheap Trick’s cover of “California Man”? Who else would your father leave the rights to? Then again, he might have sold them. But I’m not researching, I don’t care, you’re rich enough. But the truth is you’re defending Jet acts, cool. But isn’t that what’s wrong with the world today, tribal defense, can’t these acts and records stand or fall on their own?

As for the success of Black Sabbath, what I wrote was “Black Sabbath became even bigger in the decades after Ozzy left.” As in after the crass, phony conglomerations fronted by others to less and less appeal, people realized how great the original Black Sabbath records were. Then again, if you were really a reader you’d know that I wrote about my nephew playing me “Paranoid” and smiling through the process even though he wasn’t even ten. And I brought him to his very first show, Ozzy at the Forum, opened by Rammstein, but maybe you don’t remember that.

Yup, Ozzy’s rep only grew in the years after he left Sabbath, those initial albums are now classics, they were not then, they were seen as sludge previously, funny how time changes viewpoints. Hell, the Carpenters are now hip, maybe you should get Ozzy to do one of those Natalie Cole-type tracks, trading vocals with Karen on “Yesterday Once More.”

So Ozzy cheats on you. Yup, I’ve got my sources. I didn’t print this confidential information before it became public because my word is my bond, your word isn’t worth anything.

As for Ozzy and me being on the same page…yup, disenfranchised, disillusioned and depressed, we can connect, that’s not you, all over television, you wouldn’t catch Ozzy dead there. And if Ozzy had any chutzpah he would have left you after you became a star, every manager knows you put the act first, but you couldn’t stay out of the spotlight.

As for brown-nosing…once again, I don’t think you read me, because I seem to be the only person willing to call people out.

Then again, maybe you’re like most people, if we were one on one, in person, we’d probably get along.

Then again, maybe you’re like Gene Simmons, what you see is what you get…a blowhard.

Toodles!
_______________________________________

Bob,
In response to your email blog November 13, 2019, Subject: Under the Graveyard.
I’ve been reading your blog for years and this is the first time you have ever said anything positive about Ozzy. In fact, you’ve been pretty disrespectful whenever you’ve mentioned him in the past.
I just have to pull you up on a few points here. Whomever you use to do your research has made a few major factual mistakes.
You say that No More Tears was the last great work that Ozzy did. In your opinion, since Zakk has been gone Ozzy has missed the target. Since joining the band in 1986, Zakk has always played on every album Ozzy has released. Ozzy has not released an album in 10 years. You state “since Zakk’s gone.” Where’s he gone? I just spoke to him yesterday. Do you know something I don’t?
There have only ever been two tours that Zakk has not played with Ozzy. That was in 1995 when he was working on his own solo project and was signed to Geffen. Then again in 2007, when Zakk was headlining his own tour. So, in 33 years working with Ozzy he’s only ever missed two tours. Zakk was just 18 when he joined Ozzy, he is now 52 years of age. We’ve seen him grow from a boy into a man. The Zakk Wylde family is now part of our family.
In your blog you wrote that Black Sabbath became bigger in the decades after Ozzy left. However, the facts are: After Ronnie Dio replaced Ozzy in the band they had two hit studio albums and one live album. Their relationship was short lived. After Dio left Sabbath they had a constant stream of replacement singers. At best, they may have sold (and I’m being generous here) 5 million albums worldwide. Their popularity waned and they ended up opening up on tours and headlining small clubs worldwide. Meanwhile, Ozzy’s has sold 65 Million albums throughout his solo career and headlined sold out arenas. In fact, in 40 years Ozzy has never played anything smaller than an arena and has continued to headline festivals all over the world since he went solo, a lifetime ago in 1979.
In the past when you have tried to write about British music from the 70’s, 80’s, & 90s you’ve always got it wrong. Whether it’s either been Wizard, The Move, Idle Race, ELO and now you are writing about Black Sabbath and Ozzy. Most of what you have written has been incorrect. As for Ozzy and Black Sabbath, you don’t understand the music, you don’t understand the culture and now are only writing about Ozzy now to try and be hip because you’ve heard his new album is going to be a landmark album for him.
You are the typical LA brown nose that wants to get on a bandwagon. Stay in your lane, keep writing about the people in LA whose asses you are so far up your eyes are brown and your old favorite groups from the 70’s who are all dead and gone. Also, if you mention millennials one more fucking time I’m going to puke!
However, you do seem like a nice bloke who genuinely loves music. Remember, nobody knows everything Sweetheart! So keep on writing about your car problems and traveling the world as it’s much more interesting and factual.
Actually, there is one thing you are 100% right on, Under the Graveyard is a slamming fucking hit.
On closing, you stated that you and Ozzy are on the same page, well I hope fucking not. If you and Ozzy are on the same fucking page, then he is doing something very wrong.
Sincerely,
Sharon Osbourne

Under The Graveyard

Under The Graveyard – Spotify

Under The Graveyard – YouTube

What kind of crazy fucked-up world do we live in where Ozzy Osbourne releases his best new track in eons and no one knows?

One in which Ozzy has become so overexposed with story as opposed to music he’s become a cartoon character, and one in which culture washes over you in a tsunami to the point where nothing is important, to where everything can be ignored or marginalized, despite the hype machine.

Today I woke up and I hate myself

This usually happens deeper in the day for me. But if you’ve never hated yourself, you’re not human. Life is about inner dialogue, you’re yourself all day long, and sometimes it hurts.

Death doesn’t answer when I cry for help

Suicidal? It’s a tendency many of us have. Especially in this world of “winners,” where we’re judged by likes and followers, where if we raise our head we’re denigrated by self-appointed executioners, we’re taught to keep our noggins down, licking our wounds, feeling bad with no means of expression.

No high could save me from the depths of Hell

Drugs. Cool. Unless you take them. Maybe it’s because they’re illicit, maybe if we legalized them their outlaw image would dissipate. Then again, drugs offer escape when life is just too hard, like when you’ve got an endless string of one-nighters, when you can’t sleep, when you experience adulation but feel ever more removed.

I’ll drown my mind until I’m someone else

This is when you know the drinking is out of control, when you use it for escape as opposed to good times.

My misery owns me

It’s hard to escape, it’s hard to be optimistic, we all experience losses, we all get caught in traps, this is why music resonated, it spoke to our humanity, whether it be soft singer-songwriter tunes or metal. We wanted to know someone else was on the same page. That’s why the musicians were our heroes, not because they were rich, not because they were brands, not because they sold clothing and perfume and had endorsement deals.

I don’t wanna be my enemy

If we cry for help oftentimes our exclamations go unheard. Everybody’s so self-centered, they don’t want to understand us, they just want us to buck up, when we’re incapable of that.

Now the last great work Ozzy did was almost thirty years ago, with Zakk Wylde and “No More Tears.” Since Zakk has been gone, Ozzy’s missed the target. But somehow the inclusion of Duff and Chad, from the Peppers, and youngster Andrew Watt has lifted him higher. That’s what happens when you’ve fallen from the mainstream, when you’ve become the sideshow, you reach down deep, you want to triumph once again. And in metal/hard rock, a too-insular world, this is possible, because once you’re a member of the club…you are so for life.

Black Sabbath became even bigger in the decades after Ozzy left. People finally understood it. They weren’t afraid of it. Kids killing themselves because of songs? No, that’s today’s bullies on social media, songs you identify with, hopefully they keep you alive.

We all now know that Ozzy is not dangerous. Just troubled. A child in a man’s body…isn’t that what rock and roll always promised, eternal youth, even if it was only in your mind, isn’t that why we go to see the shows of the oldsters?

On that long ago MTV show, Ozzy was seen drawing. He is an artist. He needs to express himself.

As we all do. But oftentimes we don’t have the words, we depend upon artists to delineate them.

And the funny thing is despite the downbeat lyrics, “Under The Graveyard” is uplifting, it’s the anti, to our winner take all world, if you don’t fit in where are you supposed to turn? This loud music, with its riffs, with its darkness, actually puts a smile on your face. You feel like someone is on your page.

“Under The Graveyard” makes me feel like Ozzy Osbourne is on my page.

Your Favorite Record Store-SiriusXM This Week

Tune in tomorrow, Tuesday November 12th, to Volume 106, 7 PM East, 4 PM West.

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