Idol

Who cares?

Let me be more specific.  Who, in their right mind, is eager to watch the new "Idol" to discover a great musical star.  Huh?  That’s not why we watch "Idol", it’s to see the clueless wannabes skewered by Simon.

Simon.  He’s the star of "Idol".  Sure, they replaced Dave in Van Halen, but the real star is Eddie, without him Dave and Sammy are journeymen.

But at least Dave’s got talent.  If you saw him do "Ice Cream Man" on the last VH tour, you know it, you were converted.  And he has attitude.  He created a whole persona which worked on stage.  But not on the radio.  Gladwell told me you get credit for your 10,000 hours in one field if you venture into another, it’s not like you start completely over, but you don’t emerge fully-formed at the head of the class!  In other words, given years of work, maybe Diamond Dave could be a great broadcaster, he’s got the gift of gab, but his expertise is on the stage.

Like Steven Tyler’s.

Steven Tyler is one of the few rock stars who lives up to the image.  He’s left messages on my answering machine that I’ve played back for years… When I asked him what he was doing in the studio at 10 AM, long before I was awake, Tyler told me HE THREW OUT THE ROCK STAR MANUAL YEARS AGO!

But Tyler’s nice.  Think of all the butt you’ve got to kiss to make it and stay on top of the heap.  Is he really going to excoriate the wannabes?  Oh, he’ll say a few suck, but his heart won’t be in it, Tyler wants to be LOVED!  And if he starts criticizing in depth, he’s gonna be hated, and he can’t tolerate this. Furthermore, TV’s a grind.  It’s fun to be a judge for a week, MONTHS?

As for J.Lo…  Explain this to me.  She’s got a great ass, she’s the beneficiary of incredible plastic surgery.  I’ll even say she was great in "Out Of Sight". But that must have been her twin, she’s sucked in so many movies since.  And movies are scripted.  And musically,  SHE’S A JOKE!  You might want to look at her, but listen to her?  Come on.  Even Sony dropped her.  Maybe she could star in commercials for Auto-Tune, but to have her associated with anything musical is laughable.

As for Randy Jackson…  Like they’re gonna fire the only black judge?  America’s a rainbow of color.  Now we’ve go the black, the white and the brown.  It looks like America.  Then again, is the Tea Party gonna want to send J. Lo back to Puerto Rico?  Then again, do those right wing nutjobs who hate anybody who’s not white know that Puerto Rico, unlike Mexico, is part of the U.S.A?  And if you’re born here, you’re a citizen?

Randy grants continuity.  As for Ryan Seacrest…  He’s what’s wrong with America.  Rockers succeed by taking a side.  He’s a slippery fool whose only desire is money.  Fuck him.

As for Kara…  Let this be a lesson for you.  That great job with instant ubiquity?  That’s not the road to stardom.  Sure, Kara can still write her worthless tunes, but other than that, her career is over.

So, first and foremost it’s a television show.  And TV shows only work if there are actors or there’s editing.  In this show, there’s neither (oh, we can say J. Lo’s an actress, but "Idol"’s GOT NO SCRIPT!)

So there’s no tension.  And drama needs tension.  That’s what Simon provided.   Better to take a chance on an unknown with attitude instead of another pretty, well-recognized face.

Then there’s Jimmy.

Jimmy plays Simon.  Like a member of the Hair Club For Men, Simon wasn’t only a judge, he was a record executive, who wanted the chosen Idol to succeed so he could get rich.  None of the judges have a piece of the winner, they don’t care.  Jimmy cares.  That’s what the producers got shifting the label from Sony to Universal, from Simon to Jimmy.

If only Jimmy was a judge.  With his New Yorkese skewering contestants.  That could be interesting.  Hell, it would be even more interesting if his pay was linked to the sales success of the winner, then we’d get some truth.

I expect Jimmy to will a hit.

Then again, Jimmy couldn’t make Nicole Scherzinger a hit.  And GaGa, unlike the "Idol" contestants, came with talent.  Sure, the Idols are malleable, but that’s what’s wrong with America, everybody willing to change to placate the gatekeepers, we’re looking for originals, and originals can’t win on "Idol".

So, we’ve got a show that will continue to slide in the ratings that may generate a winner who sells more albums than Jordin Sparks.  Whoo-hoo!  Like I give a rat’s ass.  Like anybody gives a rat’s ass.

We want drama, damn it.  Is Steven Tyler gonna go back on drugs and miss live tapings?  THEN, we’re interested.  Is Ben Affleck gonna come on as a guest judge, giving J. Lo the heebie-jeebies?  THEN, we’re interested.

But none of these stunts have anything to do with music.

We’re looking for a unique singer performing his or her own compositions.  That’s the OPPOSITE of "Idol"!  "Idol" worked when we were all paying attention to the same media outlets, but has anybody realized that the decline in Idol sales has taken place against a backdrop of MTV airing no videos and radio becoming less and less relevant?  It’s a paradigm built for a different era.  Like making riding crops when everybody’s driving a car.

Then again, "X Factor" is new to most Americans.  And it’s controlled by Cowell, who’s a TV STAR!  So, if you’re interested in televised singing competitions, take a year off, wait for the return of Simon.  You’ll get some great TV.

But you won’t get great artistry.  That’s happening off major media’s radar.  

By refusing to take any chances, "Idol" is consigning itself to the scrapheap.  GOOD RIDDANCE!

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  1. Pingback by Not Just Eddie « Gillies | 2010/09/25 at 15:06:09

    […] Lefsetz: Sure, they replaced Dave in Van Halen, but the real star is Eddie, without him Dave and Sammy are journeymen. […]


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  1. Pingback by Not Just Eddie « Gillies | 2010/09/25 at 15:06:09

    […] Lefsetz: Sure, they replaced Dave in Van Halen, but the real star is Eddie, without him Dave and Sammy are journeymen. […]

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